I have a confession to make …

I met a guy last year (we’re not together anymore) we fell in love and he tried very hard to make me stop smoking. It annoyed me at first, and I never thought I would try, so I began trying to smoke a little less, but he eventually convinced me to give it up.

I tried.

I tried because I loved him even though I was ignoring part of myself when I made the decision.

But it was impossible.

I was going totally crazy and started back up again almost immediately thinking about how I could smoke without him knowing. In a way I felt like I was cheating on him with the lies and the sneaking around. And eventually that’s exactly what happened. This past summer I cheated on him with a guy who smokes, encouraged me to smoke, it turned him on that I smoke, he loved and respected the fact that I’m a smoker.

I got into a big fight with my bf about smoking, I told him that I had been smoking the whole time behind his back, that I had lied to him because he wanted me to stop doing something that is a part of who I am. So we broke up because he couldn’t accept me for who I am. He told me he knew I was doing it and he hated me for it. “Hated me“. Just awful 😦

So I fell hard into smoking and hanging out with the guy I had been cheating with, we smoked tons together and I was in heaven.

But heaven turned into hell because his girlfriend (who I had no idea about) showed up at his apartment while I was there having an intimate moment with him and attacked me physically without warning.

So it all ended badly.

Trying to quit smoking led to a broken heart and almost a broken nose, what a mess! I’ll never try quitting again.

Ever.